When Patience Runs Thin

I like to think of myself as someone who has limitless patience. Old lady digging through her purse while I'm ringing her out trying to find the exact amount of change using the smallest denomination of coins possible? I can handle that. Kids at the school refuse to take quizzes until all of the glitter which has contaminated the entire room is off the page, requiring me to coax him into believing that the glitter will not harm his score? Bring it on. But right now?

No.

You're taking too long to answer my question, I'm going to fire another, more challenging one your direction. It's too hot in my room, I'm going to plug in five fans and sit on a block of ice (or move somewhere with snow. Right now.) You're hogging sink time for .5 seconds beyond your allotted amount, you best believe I'll be shoving you on the ground. (I'm not really that violent. Or that crazed about sink times. Who really does that? Ah, yeah, Billy, you've been standing at the sink for .738 seconds too long. We're going to have to deduct .293 seconds off of your sink time for tonight. Sorry bout your luck, Billy.)

Surprisingly, my patience was not running thin at my sister's two-hour long awards ceremony this evening. But as soon as we made it home, the toilet wasn't flushing fast enough, my water wasn't filling my glass quick enough, the oil on my face wasn't secreting in near the amounts that it should (also a lie. It's doing quite a splendid job at that right now...) I'm not reading my homework as quickly as I would like. The goats aren't catching me properly to break my fainting-fall.

All I want is to go running without having to go running. Does that make sense? I think it does.

I'm not a prophet but I'm here to profit

I'd also like to label this one as "Why I love Nose Strips"

You know, those white things where you slosh your nose with water, peel the magic strip from the plastic backing, and SMACK. Onto your nose.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

AND RIP IT OFF!

What glory ensues! Look at all of the hair and dirt I have just relieved my nose of! How happy it can now be as it breathes inside and out! My pores sing great choruses of clear freedom! This is the day that Biore has made! I will rejoice and be blackhead free in it! (and then a few more lines about entering gates with thanksgiving, into courts with praise...and now I'm just stuck on choir memories. Ahhh Roanoke.)

Last year around this time, I was squandering Pinterest for the latest and greatest beauty craze. Lo! A DIY blackhead strip! Never buy from the store again!

Can this be? Is it really as good as everyone writes?

It's on the internet...nobody has given it poor reviews...I MUST EXPERIMENT!

And so I bought milk, gelatin, popsicle sticks, and plastic containers for mixing. Oh and I borrowed my roommate/best friend's face. AND WE SET TO WORK

On what was arguably the worst endeavor I've ever set forth to accomplish. I highly recommend against said facial peel unless you like the feeling of ripping off layers of skin from your face over and over. If that's your sort of thing, then by all means! Find the recipe! Rip off skin!

I'm sure it would actually be quite a fantastical thing for Halloween if you were looking to create an aura of skin peeling.

Or you could just go outside and get some sun. But who does that these days? Pft. Not me. Skin of milk, this one.