Pinterest IRL

For those of you unfamiliar with the term, IRL means "in real life"

or it means "I roll leaves" (no illegal implication, I promise)

perhaps it means "Iris really likes" something. What does Iris like? It'd be like her own personal approval rating. You saw an IRL sticker somewhere? Iris liked it.

Getting down to business: why can Pinterest not exist in real life? How cool would it be to have a Pinterest IN YOUR HOUSE.

"How does this work?" you ask.

Easily!

Allow me to show you the Pinterest Closet, otherwise marketed as Pinterest IRL.

With the Pinterest Closet, anything and everything that has been pinned by the people you are following will immediately be available to you in this closet. Free of charge. (you can't pin pictures of money and expect them to show up. #aladdingenierules) One of the people you follow just pinned a super cute puppy picture! POP! There's a super cute puppy in your closet! And he doesn't even poop or pee! Just available for tons of cuddles! Perfection! Someone went crazy pinning scarves and skirts for the fall? GUESS WHAT. They're now in your Pinterest Closet! Pop pop pop pop pop pop! FREE! The Best 3 Ingredient Cookies Ever. IN YOUR CLOSET. Methods for organizing your desk. ORGANIZING MATERIALS IN YOUR CLOSET. The greatest glass cleaner ever. IN YOUR CLOSET. Pizza. IN YOUR CLOSET. Workouts to get rid of that pizza gut. IN YOUR CLOSET.

Woah woah woah. How can a *workout* be in my Pinterest Closet?

Don't question it.

I'm all for it. Keeps me from going out in public and confessing to people that I pin a lot of ridiculous things. And it keeps people from knowing just how much pizza I like to eat. <3

xoxoxo PizzaAddict4lyf

I'm not a prophet but I'm here to profit

I'd also like to label this one as "Why I love Nose Strips"

You know, those white things where you slosh your nose with water, peel the magic strip from the plastic backing, and SMACK. Onto your nose.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

AND RIP IT OFF!

What glory ensues! Look at all of the hair and dirt I have just relieved my nose of! How happy it can now be as it breathes inside and out! My pores sing great choruses of clear freedom! This is the day that Biore has made! I will rejoice and be blackhead free in it! (and then a few more lines about entering gates with thanksgiving, into courts with praise...and now I'm just stuck on choir memories. Ahhh Roanoke.)

Last year around this time, I was squandering Pinterest for the latest and greatest beauty craze. Lo! A DIY blackhead strip! Never buy from the store again!

Can this be? Is it really as good as everyone writes?

It's on the internet...nobody has given it poor reviews...I MUST EXPERIMENT!

And so I bought milk, gelatin, popsicle sticks, and plastic containers for mixing. Oh and I borrowed my roommate/best friend's face. AND WE SET TO WORK

On what was arguably the worst endeavor I've ever set forth to accomplish. I highly recommend against said facial peel unless you like the feeling of ripping off layers of skin from your face over and over. If that's your sort of thing, then by all means! Find the recipe! Rip off skin!

I'm sure it would actually be quite a fantastical thing for Halloween if you were looking to create an aura of skin peeling.

Or you could just go outside and get some sun. But who does that these days? Pft. Not me. Skin of milk, this one.

Looks like...

It's time to start blogging again.

I call this episode: forever alone...but not necessarily forever unhappy.

My older sister just got engaged today/tonight. Words cannot describe how elated I am for the two of them! Thrilled!!

My little sister is on a date with her boyfriend right now. Watching a Steel Magnolias remake with an all-black cast. What quirkiness. Gag me it's so cute.

And I...I sit at home, "chuffed to bits" that my cat does not hate me today. Right now. She does not hate me *right now*. I'm also pondering when I'm going to get raped. Not because I am convinced that I am going to get raped at some point in my life, or because I think that my raping is part of God's plan, but because someone on Pinterest posted tips for women on how to get rid of a rapist.

Excuse me?

Yes. Tips to women from rapists on what scared them off from potential victims.

How am I supposed to know that this article was not actually written by psychopaths who love raping women who fight back? Maybe this article is comprised of tips on how to get yourself a 100% guarantee raping. "It's fail-proof or your money back! Peace of mind returned at additional charge." Um...what? Yes. These are the things that I think of "tips" anyone gives to everyone. Other girls read these messages like "Oh yeah! That's a good point! I will absolutely remember this for the next time I'm getting raped" and I'm over here like "You know? I'll just keep eating pizza. Men don't rape girls who aren't hot and talk nonsense all the time..."

Re: not being forever unhappy.

I can create my own happiness. Nobody needs to do that for me. (Plus, I can always buy more cats. Shelters will love me once I have my own place.)