I'd also like to label this one as "Why I love Nose Strips"
You know, those white things where you slosh your nose with water, peel the magic strip from the plastic backing, and SMACK. Onto your nose.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
AND RIP IT OFF!
What glory ensues! Look at all of the hair and dirt I have just relieved my nose of! How happy it can now be as it breathes inside and out! My pores sing great choruses of clear freedom! This is the day that Biore has made! I will rejoice and be blackhead free in it! (and then a few more lines about entering gates with thanksgiving, into courts with praise...and now I'm just stuck on choir memories. Ahhh Roanoke.)
Last year around this time, I was squandering Pinterest for the latest and greatest beauty craze. Lo! A DIY blackhead strip! Never buy from the store again!
Can this be? Is it really as good as everyone writes?
It's on the internet...nobody has given it poor reviews...I MUST EXPERIMENT!
And so I bought milk, gelatin, popsicle sticks, and plastic containers for mixing. Oh and I borrowed my roommate/best friend's face. AND WE SET TO WORK
On what was arguably the worst endeavor I've ever set forth to accomplish. I highly recommend against said facial peel unless you like the feeling of ripping off layers of skin from your face over and over. If that's your sort of thing, then by all means! Find the recipe! Rip off skin!
I'm sure it would actually be quite a fantastical thing for Halloween if you were looking to create an aura of skin peeling.
Or you could just go outside and get some sun. But who does that these days? Pft. Not me. Skin of milk, this one.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Monday, April 8, 2013
Experimental Adventures
PICTURE YOURSELF IN A BOAT ON A RIVER...
TAKE A DEEP BREATH IN..2..3..4.. EXHALE..2..3..4..INHALE..2..3..4..EXHALE..2..3..4..
COUNTING IN PRIME NUMBERS ONLY, IMAGINE YOU ARE LAYING ON THE BEACH. YOU ARE ALONE IN THE WORLD, SAVE THE CRASHING OF THE WAVES. AS YOU LOOK AROUND AFTER WAKING FROM A LONG, DEEP NAP, YOU COME TO REALIZE THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY AT A LAKE. THE OCEAN YOU WERE LISTENING TO HAS TRANSFORMED. BIRDS SING THROUGH THE AIR AS YOU MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE DOCK. YOUR FISHING ROD HAS BEEN CALLING TO YOU ALL SUMMER. IS IT A WEDNESDAY? IT DOESN'T MATTER, BECAUSE YOU ARE STILL ALONE. NATURE HAS SWALLOWED YOU AND MADE YOU WILD.
THUNDER CRASHES FROM THE WEST. YOU RUN INSIDE THE CABIN WHICH HAS JUST APPEARED BEHIND YOU. ITS RUSTIC CHARM MAKES YOU TRUST THE INSIDE WHICH HAS CLEARLY BEEN ABANDONED FOR YEARS. AS YOU MAKE IT INSIDE, THE SKIES OPEN UP AND RAIN BOUNCES OFF THE SURFACE OF THE LAKE. NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO TAKE A NAP, YOU REALIZE. COZYING UP IN BED, YOU DOZE OFF TO THE SOUND OF THE NOW VERY NEAR STORM.
WHEN YOU AWAKEN, YOU RETREAT TO THE DOWNSTAIRS AND PRACTICE YOGA. YOU HAVE OPENED THE WINDOWS OF THE CABIN TO ALLOW THE FRESH RAIN AIR TO WAFT THROUGH THE LIVING AREA. YOU TUNE THE TELEVISION TO THE PHILLIES GAME AND LISTEN TO TOM MCCARTHY AND WHEELS VOICE THE PLAYS. AFTER THE PHILLIES HAVE WON THE GAME, YOU STRETCH OUT ON THE FLOOR AND OPEN UP YOUR FAVORITE BOOK. YOU BECOME LOST IN THE CHARACTERS AND IMAGINE YOURSELF FIGHTING DEATH EATERS AT HOGWARTS.
LIFE CANNOT GET BETTER. YOU ARE AT PEACE WITH THE WORLD, AND THE WORLD IS AT PEACE WITH YOU.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH IN..2..3..4.. EXHALE..2..3..4..INHALE..2..3..4..EXHALE..2..3..4..
COUNTING IN PRIME NUMBERS ONLY, IMAGINE YOU ARE LAYING ON THE BEACH. YOU ARE ALONE IN THE WORLD, SAVE THE CRASHING OF THE WAVES. AS YOU LOOK AROUND AFTER WAKING FROM A LONG, DEEP NAP, YOU COME TO REALIZE THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY AT A LAKE. THE OCEAN YOU WERE LISTENING TO HAS TRANSFORMED. BIRDS SING THROUGH THE AIR AS YOU MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE DOCK. YOUR FISHING ROD HAS BEEN CALLING TO YOU ALL SUMMER. IS IT A WEDNESDAY? IT DOESN'T MATTER, BECAUSE YOU ARE STILL ALONE. NATURE HAS SWALLOWED YOU AND MADE YOU WILD.
THUNDER CRASHES FROM THE WEST. YOU RUN INSIDE THE CABIN WHICH HAS JUST APPEARED BEHIND YOU. ITS RUSTIC CHARM MAKES YOU TRUST THE INSIDE WHICH HAS CLEARLY BEEN ABANDONED FOR YEARS. AS YOU MAKE IT INSIDE, THE SKIES OPEN UP AND RAIN BOUNCES OFF THE SURFACE OF THE LAKE. NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO TAKE A NAP, YOU REALIZE. COZYING UP IN BED, YOU DOZE OFF TO THE SOUND OF THE NOW VERY NEAR STORM.
WHEN YOU AWAKEN, YOU RETREAT TO THE DOWNSTAIRS AND PRACTICE YOGA. YOU HAVE OPENED THE WINDOWS OF THE CABIN TO ALLOW THE FRESH RAIN AIR TO WAFT THROUGH THE LIVING AREA. YOU TUNE THE TELEVISION TO THE PHILLIES GAME AND LISTEN TO TOM MCCARTHY AND WHEELS VOICE THE PLAYS. AFTER THE PHILLIES HAVE WON THE GAME, YOU STRETCH OUT ON THE FLOOR AND OPEN UP YOUR FAVORITE BOOK. YOU BECOME LOST IN THE CHARACTERS AND IMAGINE YOURSELF FIGHTING DEATH EATERS AT HOGWARTS.
LIFE CANNOT GET BETTER. YOU ARE AT PEACE WITH THE WORLD, AND THE WORLD IS AT PEACE WITH YOU.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
When I write about people
I like them to know I'm writing about them.
Not by telling them, but with the hope that they may read what I'm writing, realize "Oh no! That's me she's mentioning!" and then ask me about it.
I don't write about people to bad mouth them or make them feel bad about who they are. I write about them with the hope that when they realize they are being written about, it will spark a conversation.
"Hey, I read your blog last night. I noticed you said something about a person wearing purple pants. That's me, isn't it?" "You? You don't wear purple pants." "I definitely own purple pants." "No, no. You have been wearing red pants lately. Trust me, I've noticed." *winking face* And then we continue to discuss their wardrobe.
As if I'm really someone to discuss wardrobes. Have you seen what I wear? I need my personal stylist back in my life pronto. Shopping sprees again, por favor.
A break from the hopeful wishing: brought to you by sunset.
Not so much sunset as it was bright spring sky with many clouds and promises of a decent evening.
I was driving to Indianapolis this evening/afternoon (what is 5:30, exactly? Is it evening? Is it afternoon? At this point in the year, it's still light outside, so I hardly label it as evening. But it is far beyond noon.) to meet a group member for project preparation. If you're reading this, it was a bucking good time, on the reg. (here I go again, writing about people.)
Anyway. Back to the sunset/sun in the clouds.
10 years down the road, where will I be? Will I be in Indiana? Will I be in Florida? Will I talk to anyone I talk to currently? The sun was so beautiful that for a brief moment in time, I thought to myself, "Maybe I don't belong in Florida."
And that was the first time I've thought that outside of Florida.
I felt betrayed. Surely I was not fully aware of what I had just processed. Did I really catch myself thinking that maybe I should be staying in Indiana? What is here for me in Indiana?
What is in Florida for me? What is waiting for me anywhere?
Nothing. I must make my own opportunities.
Not by telling them, but with the hope that they may read what I'm writing, realize "Oh no! That's me she's mentioning!" and then ask me about it.
I don't write about people to bad mouth them or make them feel bad about who they are. I write about them with the hope that when they realize they are being written about, it will spark a conversation.
"Hey, I read your blog last night. I noticed you said something about a person wearing purple pants. That's me, isn't it?" "You? You don't wear purple pants." "I definitely own purple pants." "No, no. You have been wearing red pants lately. Trust me, I've noticed." *winking face* And then we continue to discuss their wardrobe.
As if I'm really someone to discuss wardrobes. Have you seen what I wear? I need my personal stylist back in my life pronto. Shopping sprees again, por favor.
A break from the hopeful wishing: brought to you by sunset.
Not so much sunset as it was bright spring sky with many clouds and promises of a decent evening.
I was driving to Indianapolis this evening/afternoon (what is 5:30, exactly? Is it evening? Is it afternoon? At this point in the year, it's still light outside, so I hardly label it as evening. But it is far beyond noon.) to meet a group member for project preparation. If you're reading this, it was a bucking good time, on the reg. (here I go again, writing about people.)
Anyway. Back to the sunset/sun in the clouds.
10 years down the road, where will I be? Will I be in Indiana? Will I be in Florida? Will I talk to anyone I talk to currently? The sun was so beautiful that for a brief moment in time, I thought to myself, "Maybe I don't belong in Florida."
And that was the first time I've thought that outside of Florida.
I felt betrayed. Surely I was not fully aware of what I had just processed. Did I really catch myself thinking that maybe I should be staying in Indiana? What is here for me in Indiana?
What is in Florida for me? What is waiting for me anywhere?
Nothing. I must make my own opportunities.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Rounds of bored
Round 1:
Coffee.
COFFEE! I MEAN I'M DRINKING COFFEE! I LOVE COFFEE. I LOVE LIFE! I LOVE BOOKS I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SUBBING JOB YES!!!!!
Round 2 (continuous):
Stuffed nose.
Eyb don eben know whas going onb.
Round 3:
Reading.
The Great Gatsby. I never read it in High School, so why not now? It's the perfect setting! Or I could eat food.
Round 4:
Lasagna.
Quick now! Go home! Grab lasagna! Return to work! MICROWAVE THAT PUPPY. Enjoy the folds of pasta and intricate meshing of cheese with sauce as you
INTERCEPTION
I can't print. Help me.
Round 5:
Lasagna.
Who doesn't love room temperature lasagna? Garfield. And me. But any lasagna is better than no lasagna. AMIRITE?
Round 6:
UFO's
Otherwise known as unidentified flying objects. Hollah at ya brotha.
Coffee.
COFFEE! I MEAN I'M DRINKING COFFEE! I LOVE COFFEE. I LOVE LIFE! I LOVE BOOKS I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SUBBING JOB YES!!!!!
Round 2 (continuous):
Stuffed nose.
Eyb don eben know whas going onb.
Round 3:
Reading.
The Great Gatsby. I never read it in High School, so why not now? It's the perfect setting! Or I could eat food.
Round 4:
Lasagna.
Quick now! Go home! Grab lasagna! Return to work! MICROWAVE THAT PUPPY. Enjoy the folds of pasta and intricate meshing of cheese with sauce as you
INTERCEPTION
I can't print. Help me.
Round 5:
Lasagna.
Who doesn't love room temperature lasagna? Garfield. And me. But any lasagna is better than no lasagna. AMIRITE?
Round 6:
UFO's
Otherwise known as unidentified flying objects. Hollah at ya brotha.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
a brief analysis of identity
When you don't know who you are, you have two options as to who you can become.
You can be nothing.
Or you can be everything.
You chose to become everything, the harder route, and are therefore invincible. By liking everything, you are appealing to all characters: a variety pack of socks will please everyone if there are enough options. Unless, the person choosing the socks likes sandals: the person who likes nothing.
These are the people who dislike you: the ones who also know little of their personal identity. Rather than choose the harder route to become everything, they became nothing. They grew up in a world hating that which surrounds them. They took the easy route that promised fast, mediocre results.
Remain in the spotlight. Remain diverse within one unit. Remain who you are.
Why would you ever choose to be nothing?
You can be nothing.
Or you can be everything.
You chose to become everything, the harder route, and are therefore invincible. By liking everything, you are appealing to all characters: a variety pack of socks will please everyone if there are enough options. Unless, the person choosing the socks likes sandals: the person who likes nothing.
These are the people who dislike you: the ones who also know little of their personal identity. Rather than choose the harder route to become everything, they became nothing. They grew up in a world hating that which surrounds them. They took the easy route that promised fast, mediocre results.
Remain in the spotlight. Remain diverse within one unit. Remain who you are.
Why would you ever choose to be nothing?
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Adventures in Story Telling
Once upon a time, there was a girl. This girl's name was Shalandatiqua, but her friends called her Shalandati. [Her mother (rest her soul!), being the most important person in her life, called her Land. For the purpose of sparing letters from exhaustion, we shall refer to her as her mother (rest her soul!) would have preferred.] Land had one love in life: alphabetizing of VHS tapes in stores where she was not employed. A dying profession, you would accurately assume, but Land loved it nonetheless. Land would spend hours in Goodwill after Goodwill (heaven forbid she ever step into a Salvation Army), organizing each film by title, then rearrange by main actor, main actress, director, producer, etc.
One day when Land was visiting a Goodwill approximately 1 hour, 28 minutes, and 49 seconds from her house, she came across a problem.
Somebody else was already arranging the VHS tapes.
Land was perplexed. "Someone else shares my love for alphabetizing? Someone has figured out how I live my life and has set out to sabotage my happiness? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS OTHER PERSON?" Land spoke aloud in the store, reaching out to her mother (rest her soul!) "Mother (rest your soul!), I know not why this man is rearranging VHS tapes, but I will figure it out and I will not bring dishonor to our family name! I vow it or shall my life be ended!" Other customers in the store thought nothing of Land's crying-out to her mother (rest her soul!) because...they were in a Goodwill. (Everyone's a little off their rocker in a Goodwill.) (Yet we all visit them. We all delight in being a little crazy.)
She approached the man, who by this time, was 64% of the way through the VHS tape alphabetication (a new word to go down in the history books, because c is superior to z. February 17th, 2013: a date which will go down for no reason in particular.) "Excuse me, sir. But my name is Shalandatiqua. My friends call me Shalandati. My mother (rest her soul!) called me Land. You shall address me as 'The Queen.' You, scum of the Earth, are robbing me of my one passion in life. The activity which allows to me get out of bed each morning and put on matching socks. The one thing which connects me to the real world: my Energizer bunny. Do not bring dishonor to my family! Be gone from here before I put a house on you!"
The man snickered and was slow to respond to Land's declaration with an air of Oz.
"Land, 'The Queen,' I have not stolen your passion in life. I have not robbed you of the activity which allows you to get out of bed each morning and put on matching socks. I am not disconnecting you from the rest of the world, nor am I taking away your Energizer bunny. I will not bring dishonor to your family nor speak poorly of your mother (rest her soul!) I would hope that you would not summon a house to crush me, but if you must, I think you should first know something which may crumble your every idea of what is important in life."
Land had little patience for the man and hurried out, "And what would that be?" She was not in the mood to be toyed with (Toy Story did not belong next to An American Tale and Land knew this to be true.)
"This is Salvation Army. Goodwill was bought out two weeks ago."
Land joined her mother (rest her soul!) after minimal suffering from cardiac arrest.
One day when Land was visiting a Goodwill approximately 1 hour, 28 minutes, and 49 seconds from her house, she came across a problem.
Somebody else was already arranging the VHS tapes.
Land was perplexed. "Someone else shares my love for alphabetizing? Someone has figured out how I live my life and has set out to sabotage my happiness? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS OTHER PERSON?" Land spoke aloud in the store, reaching out to her mother (rest her soul!) "Mother (rest your soul!), I know not why this man is rearranging VHS tapes, but I will figure it out and I will not bring dishonor to our family name! I vow it or shall my life be ended!" Other customers in the store thought nothing of Land's crying-out to her mother (rest her soul!) because...they were in a Goodwill. (Everyone's a little off their rocker in a Goodwill.) (Yet we all visit them. We all delight in being a little crazy.)
She approached the man, who by this time, was 64% of the way through the VHS tape alphabetication (a new word to go down in the history books, because c is superior to z. February 17th, 2013: a date which will go down for no reason in particular.) "Excuse me, sir. But my name is Shalandatiqua. My friends call me Shalandati. My mother (rest her soul!) called me Land. You shall address me as 'The Queen.' You, scum of the Earth, are robbing me of my one passion in life. The activity which allows to me get out of bed each morning and put on matching socks. The one thing which connects me to the real world: my Energizer bunny. Do not bring dishonor to my family! Be gone from here before I put a house on you!"
The man snickered and was slow to respond to Land's declaration with an air of Oz.
"Land, 'The Queen,' I have not stolen your passion in life. I have not robbed you of the activity which allows you to get out of bed each morning and put on matching socks. I am not disconnecting you from the rest of the world, nor am I taking away your Energizer bunny. I will not bring dishonor to your family nor speak poorly of your mother (rest her soul!) I would hope that you would not summon a house to crush me, but if you must, I think you should first know something which may crumble your every idea of what is important in life."
Land had little patience for the man and hurried out, "And what would that be?" She was not in the mood to be toyed with (Toy Story did not belong next to An American Tale and Land knew this to be true.)
"This is Salvation Army. Goodwill was bought out two weeks ago."
Land joined her mother (rest her soul!) after minimal suffering from cardiac arrest.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Imma let you finish, February, but August is the best month of all time
Thoughts thinking while in the shower this morning led me to the realization that August is the best month of all.
WHY IS AUGUST THE BEST MONTH OF ALL, HANNAH?
I'm so glad you asked, loyal reader! I'm going to tell you!
Let us first look at other months (primarily observing a Christian calendar) when determining August's awesomeness factor:
January - New Year's and Martin Luther King Day (Lee Jackson King Day, as I was raised)
February - Valentine's Day and President's Day
March - St. Patrick's Day
April - Easter (most of the time)
May - Mother's Day and Memorial Day
June - Father's Day
July - Independence Day
August - ....
September - Labor Day
October - Halloween
November - Thanksgiving
December - Christmas and New Year's Eve
What's that you are seeing? August has no major/overly-commercialized holiday?
That's right. August. Has. No. Holiday.
August stands alone. It is awesome. It is one of a kind (except April occasionally joins in on the party.) August is home to many of my favorite people's Earth Entrance Celebration!
The many, the proud, the August babies.
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