Ode to Pajamas

I walk into my room and kick off my shoes
AH!
Fresh air
The first breath my feet have had since the wee hours of the morning
Allowing them to bask in the sweetness, I lay on my bed
The dress comes off
Wait! No!
First the belt
That darn belt
Necessary for color popping
Unnecessary for everything else.
NOW the dress can come off
The final moment of decision:
Are the leggings or ARE THEY NOT part of the pajamas this evening?
Of course not!
Leggings are never part of pajamas!
What are you thinking Hannah?!
Leggings are only essential on hot days with dresses/skirts, cool days under pants, or school days when dresses/skirts are too short
You should know this by now.
I know, I know
But sometimes, you know, leggings are quite pleasant for lounging.
Hush your crazy mind
You're thinking in chaotic tones
Abandon those thoughts
Obviously lounge shorts are the ideal summer pajama wear
Tank tops
T-shirts
I live for pajamas

Pajamas, how I love thee.

Let us have pajama day
EVERY DAY.

Hair Color Rage

Admittedly, I'm being lazy today. I'm sitting on a rocking chair, holding my dog's food (I wish he would eat! Yes, Momma, he ate the first 3 scoops, but he gave hints of wanting more...apparently not really), watching television, perusing Pinterest, etc. Oh look! A commercial!

Okay. Cute? Right? Aww the husband thinks his daughter looks just like his wife. Aww the man is talking about the woman being beautiful. 

I call BS. 

Let's pull this apart from the multiple different flaws. 1) "Rob" doesn't know that his wife, "Kate" colors her hair. 2) Rob thinks that his daughter looks like Kate because they share a hair color. 3) Rob is a lucky guy because his wife and daughter have beautiful hair. 4) Both Kate and her daughter do not have a voice within the commercial. 5) Rob and Kate's daughter doesn't even have a name. 

1) "Rob" doesn't know that his wife, "Kate" colors her hair. 

In an earlier commercial following the lifestyle of this same couple, Rob tells the audience that he and Kate have been married for 15 years. They've gone through multiple moves together, new jobs--Hell! They even have a kid together now! One could say that Rob and Kate are a solid couple, a dynamic duo. Riddle me this how the man who has lived with the "love of his life" for 15 years--AT LEAST 15 years...who knows how long they were living together prior to marriage--has no clue that his wife colors her hair. Yes, the idea behind Nice'N Easy is that hair color is so easy you do it in a pinch. Yes, ideally hair color would be exactly the color of your own hair. But boxes! Gloves! Special hair color conditioner! Money! Does Rob pay attention to nothing his wife does for personal care?! Obviously they're not as close as the commercials would lead on if he's oblivious to her hair coloring habits. Not to mention, if Rob does not notice roots showing EVER, Kate has to be coloring her hair fairly regularly. Boxes are bound to be everywhere. 

But maybe Kate is hiding her hair coloring secret from her husband! Why would this be necessary? Do you hide something from your significant other? I know it's a stretch, but if Rob is so in love with Kate's hair color, maybe Kate should be honest about her little secret. Clairol is encouraging wives to lie to their husbands. Good job! 

2) Rob thinks that his daughter looks like Kate because they share a hair color. 

Yeah, the commercial also has Rob saying that they share a walk and grin. How many different walks are there? How hard is it to mimic someone's walk? A grin is a bit more genetically related, but even still... The emphasis on the commercial is hair color. Rob and Kate's daughter share Kate's hair color. And Rob loves it! It's like his daughter is his mini-wife! Because that's not creepy! My mom and I have relatively similar hair colors: does this mean we look precisely like each other? No. No it does not. 

3) Rob is a lucky guy because his wife and daughter have beautiful hair. 

Beautiful fair is equal to being lucky. Not when you have beautiful hair, but when your wife has beautiful hair. Heterosexual women and homosexual men be warned--you can never be lucky. Sorry about your luckless life. Don't invest in the stock market. But in all seriousness, what about Kate and the daughter's hair makes Rob a lucky guy? His wife is beautiful, yes, but is he only a lucky guy because Kate's hair is the shade that it is? No. 

4) Both Kate and her daughter do not have a voice within the commercial.

What is up with that? Any other beauty product commercial features the woman. It is the woman's opinion that matters most. Or is Clairol onto something else: we, the women, should buy beauty products because it truly is the men's opinions that matter. Behold! But then we bring up the argument of "do women wear makeup because they are competing with other women or is it to impress men?" Endless. The answer can never be found. Regardless, Kate is silent and so is her daughter. Kate's opinion of the hair dye is null and void. 

5) Rob and Kate's daughter doesn't have a name. 

How hard is it to name a focal point of a commercial? Choosing to keep her nameless does create the image of Kate's shadow, and while I understand that, the daughter has her own identity! She's not just a nameless nobody! She could one day grow up to be the President of the United States! She may become a Supreme Court Justice! Nameless daughter could be the first woman to land on Pluto! But because she was robbed of an identity in her commercial appearance, she will forever be known as Kate's daughter, Rob's mini-wife. She will never know her self-worth! Doomed from the beginning, this child will be nothing more than a pretty face, a hot walk, and some man-candy hair. Thank you, Clairol, for running her future and the lives of so many she could have impacted had she been given a proper name like Felicity (which really carries some weight, because let's face it, this girl is destined for greatness.) 

If you were so inclined to see the first installment of the Rob/Kate romance, you can view it here: 

Lo! Rob and Kate have two children. Let's not even mention the presence of the other child. Completely left behind! Feed the other child to the wolves, for all I care! FYI to Rob: I'm only 22 and I've had gray hair for years. You either started dating Kate when she was 12, or she's been coloring her hair forever. Get to know your woman...or someone else will. 

The Patriotism of Oatmeal Texture

This is me, taking the time on July 4th (Independence Day) to point out the fatal flaw in oatmeal and its various cooking methods. Let's evaluate the options:

Boiling water in a microwave without the oatmeal (best option when you have a measuring glass for liquids.) Then add to bowl of dry oatmeal. Stir. Enjoy.

Boiling water on the stove without the oatmeal (best option when you have a tea kettle ready for use.) Then add to bowl of dry oatmeal. Stir. Enjoy.

Boiling water in a microwave with the oatmeal (only option when you have neither a tea kettle nor a measuring glass for liquids.) Stir prior to putting into microwave. Stir after pulling out of microwave. Cry over how terrible the oatmeal is in this manner. Repeat the next morning.

It's like eating...maggots. Boiling the oatmeal with the water allows for minimal taste of the oatmeal (maple & brown sugar? I have no recollection of that ever happening...)

If I were able to somehow squish all of the oatmeal together into a solid ball formation, I have not a doubt in my mind that it would bounce. I am actively eating rubberized maggots. Labeled as maple & brown sugar. WHAT IS PATRIOTIC ABOUT THAT?!

Summer means "free"

Literally.

Look it up. Summer, as defined by Merriam and Webster (please slap me when next you see me for the crime committed by doing this in a public forum) is "free". Well, maybe not really. But it is "...the season between summer and autumn comprising in the northern hemisphere usually the months of June, July, and August or as reckoned astronomically extending from the June solstice to the September equinox." If that doesn't spell freedom to you, you must be...Canadian.

Actually, I love Canadians. I don't know many Canadians, but the few I do know, I have enjoyed quite immensely.

Especially Canadian accents. What is more satisfying in life than a full-blown Canadian accent, rambling on about a spider covering a weather camera? Little brings me more joy.

Except perhaps summer and its little mysteries. Maybe mystery is the wrong choice of wording. Perhaps intricacies. Tiny details. Summer is filled with tiny details that regularly take my breath away. The sweat rolling down faces as A/C unit after A/C unit craps out in the middle of July, one sad ice cream cone after another losing their top scoop to August's beating rays, spiders invading backyards in hoards with murdering intensity. Nothing says summer beauty like each of the events.

Ah! But what really made me smile while driving home just the other night was something like this: tall grass overflowing onto the country road, filled with lightning bugs. Driving just fast enough past the grass to only catch each flash in a glimpse but not so fast to blur. It was almost as though the grass was glittering.

Have you ever seen glittering grass? Because I have. And it is freeing. Go outside tonight to look at the glittering grass. I dare you.





Yay DOMA being ruled unconstitutional! :)

Pinterest IRL

For those of you unfamiliar with the term, IRL means "in real life"

or it means "I roll leaves" (no illegal implication, I promise)

perhaps it means "Iris really likes" something. What does Iris like? It'd be like her own personal approval rating. You saw an IRL sticker somewhere? Iris liked it.

Getting down to business: why can Pinterest not exist in real life? How cool would it be to have a Pinterest IN YOUR HOUSE.

"How does this work?" you ask.

Easily!

Allow me to show you the Pinterest Closet, otherwise marketed as Pinterest IRL.

With the Pinterest Closet, anything and everything that has been pinned by the people you are following will immediately be available to you in this closet. Free of charge. (you can't pin pictures of money and expect them to show up. #aladdingenierules) One of the people you follow just pinned a super cute puppy picture! POP! There's a super cute puppy in your closet! And he doesn't even poop or pee! Just available for tons of cuddles! Perfection! Someone went crazy pinning scarves and skirts for the fall? GUESS WHAT. They're now in your Pinterest Closet! Pop pop pop pop pop pop! FREE! The Best 3 Ingredient Cookies Ever. IN YOUR CLOSET. Methods for organizing your desk. ORGANIZING MATERIALS IN YOUR CLOSET. The greatest glass cleaner ever. IN YOUR CLOSET. Pizza. IN YOUR CLOSET. Workouts to get rid of that pizza gut. IN YOUR CLOSET.

Woah woah woah. How can a *workout* be in my Pinterest Closet?

Don't question it.

I'm all for it. Keeps me from going out in public and confessing to people that I pin a lot of ridiculous things. And it keeps people from knowing just how much pizza I like to eat. <3

xoxoxo PizzaAddict4lyf

A Book A Day Keeps the

What? What does it keep away? It certainly won't keep my vision from deteriorating (which is happening, but not very quickly, so I can't really complain in the grand scheme of things.) It doesn't keep the doctor away because if my vision is deteriorating, I do have to go see some sort of doctor. It doesn't keep apples away--I love eating while reading. It may keep me away from work, but I'm not senseless enough to call out of work just so I can read a book (although the thought did cross my mind on Friday when I received The Fault in Our Stars just before heading to work at Wal-Mart.) (Really great book, by the way. Read it if you haven't already. Or if you don't feel like reading it, find a synopsis online. I'm sure they're everywhere. The interwebs are LITTERED with spoilers of everything.)

But, yes. Summer 2013 (even though it's not technically summer yet) is the summer of books. Beyond taking a children's literature course which requires me to read multiple books a week, I'm also reading at a much faster pace than I have ever been able to, which means that I'm devouring books. So far since school ended earlier this month, I have read Tarzan of the Apes, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, The Fault in Our Stars, many many different poems/short stories required for my class, and have just started reading Peter Pan. The week after, I must read The Secret Garden and Freckles. Other highlights of the summer include: Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry, The Phantom Tollbooth, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (the British version rather than the American version. I'm stoked! Damn it being the last week of the course...) and plenty of other novels. For pleasure, I have also purchased Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close per recommendation of a friend who has recently moved away (crying).

Um, yes. If you have any recommendations of books for me to read, feel free to comment. Message me on Facebook. Shoot me a text. Mail me a letter. Email me. Drive to my house, shake me out of my slumber, and shout the titles in my face. I may hurt you later, but upon waking, I'm generally an agreeable person. You just won't be able to breathe because of my rank breath.

Yup. That's right. I smell really bad in the morning. My drool also apparently contains something that dyes cloth. How does this work? Is my spit so acidic that it is capable of bleaching materials? I kid you not! My brown sheets are now orangeish from where I had a massive drool massacre the other night (when I was "reading" The Wiz.) If anyone knows anything about that...I'd also like to know. Because it's moderately strange. And I'd like to fix it. If possible.

Levels of Lazy (A quick guide)

Average lazy:
Not wanting to partner your socks after doing laundry.

Above average lazy:
Not wanting to put on real clothes because you're not going out today anyway.

Exceedingly lazy:
Not wanting to take out the trash because it's going to fill up again soon.

You should probably just go back to bed for a week you're so lazy:
Not wanting to paint your dominant hand's nails...so you leave them bare.

Guilty as charged.