What? What does it keep away? It certainly won't keep my vision from deteriorating (which is happening, but not very quickly, so I can't really complain in the grand scheme of things.) It doesn't keep the doctor away because if my vision is deteriorating, I do have to go see some sort of doctor. It doesn't keep apples away--I love eating while reading. It may keep me away from work, but I'm not senseless enough to call out of work just so I can read a book (although the thought did cross my mind on Friday when I received The Fault in Our Stars just before heading to work at Wal-Mart.) (Really great book, by the way. Read it if you haven't already. Or if you don't feel like reading it, find a synopsis online. I'm sure they're everywhere. The interwebs are LITTERED with spoilers of everything.)
But, yes. Summer 2013 (even though it's not technically summer yet) is the summer of books. Beyond taking a children's literature course which requires me to read multiple books a week, I'm also reading at a much faster pace than I have ever been able to, which means that I'm devouring books. So far since school ended earlier this month, I have read Tarzan of the Apes, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, The Fault in Our Stars, many many different poems/short stories required for my class, and have just started reading Peter Pan. The week after, I must read The Secret Garden and Freckles. Other highlights of the summer include: Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry, The Phantom Tollbooth, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (the British version rather than the American version. I'm stoked! Damn it being the last week of the course...) and plenty of other novels. For pleasure, I have also purchased Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close per recommendation of a friend who has recently moved away (crying).
Um, yes. If you have any recommendations of books for me to read, feel free to comment. Message me on Facebook. Shoot me a text. Mail me a letter. Email me. Drive to my house, shake me out of my slumber, and shout the titles in my face. I may hurt you later, but upon waking, I'm generally an agreeable person. You just won't be able to breathe because of my rank breath.
Yup. That's right. I smell really bad in the morning. My drool also apparently contains something that dyes cloth. How does this work? Is my spit so acidic that it is capable of bleaching materials? I kid you not! My brown sheets are now orangeish from where I had a massive drool massacre the other night (when I was "reading" The Wiz.) If anyone knows anything about that...I'd also like to know. Because it's moderately strange. And I'd like to fix it. If possible.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Levels of Lazy (A quick guide)
Average lazy:
Not wanting to partner your socks after doing laundry.
Above average lazy:
Not wanting to put on real clothes because you're not going out today anyway.
Exceedingly lazy:
Not wanting to take out the trash because it's going to fill up again soon.
You should probably just go back to bed for a week you're so lazy:
Not wanting to paint your dominant hand's nails...so you leave them bare.
Guilty as charged.
Not wanting to partner your socks after doing laundry.
Above average lazy:
Not wanting to put on real clothes because you're not going out today anyway.
Exceedingly lazy:
Not wanting to take out the trash because it's going to fill up again soon.
You should probably just go back to bed for a week you're so lazy:
Not wanting to paint your dominant hand's nails...so you leave them bare.
Guilty as charged.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Cleaning My Closet and I find...
Poems from 6th grade. Enjoy.
Untitled
Hannah
Musical, smart
Sister of Allison and Cora
Lover of good grades, hard math problems, and Ruby
Who feels happy when choir is over, grumpy in the morning, ready to strangle my older sister when she slaps me
Who needs a cold glass of Dr. Pepper, a loaf of bread in front of me, and music every 2 minutes
Who gives help on homework, love to those who need it, and happiness to my family
Who fears spiders, late homework, and getting the wrong answer
Who would like to see Elvis, Van Morrison, and my cousins
Resident of Virginia
Richardson
Morning
Morning
Swept
Up
Behind
Me
From
Nowhere
As
I
Brushed
My
Teeth
And
Got
Into
Bed.
The Roller Coaster
Yawn!
I waited in line for the roller coaster
'Right this way.' He said
And right that way I went
Into the car
Buckle Buckle CLICK CLICK!
Clickity Clack, Clickity Clack
Up the hill I went
Oh no!
Gasp!
We're going down the hill
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The girl behind me just giggled!
He he he he he he he he he he he he!
I expect she's rode this before
He he he he he he he he he he he he!
As we turned the corner
Ready for the loop
BLEH! Barf! GAG!!
Every one in front of me!
Finally
ERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
The ride was over
I stepped out of the car, dazed
I shall never ride that again I said
Only to find my friend making me go
Just to say
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! again.
Piano Memory
As I sat in class that day,
I thought, when will this end?
Finally we packed and lined up
Onto the bus we went
I got off at my street
Ready for the challenge ahead
For today was my first piano lesson
Oh how I dread!
She welcomed me in and I sat down
Before me lay a grand piano
Black and shiny ivories
Were stretched across the board
I was scared at first, I cried a little
I didn't know what to do!
She asked me to play a piece
So I did, one that I really knew
That was the day everything started
That wondrous glorious day!
When Shopping With Your Sister
Stay far behind
Don't ask to borrow money
If she likes a shirt, don't tell her it's ugly
Don't go somewhere she doesn't want to
When she tells you to buy something for her, buy it
When she wants to eat, don't tell her where to go
When shopping with your sister,
Stay home!
The Mess
Above the socks
Underneath the shirt
Next to the jeans
On my books
Over the bed
By the underwear
Near the boot
Beyond the ruler
Under last week's homework
Around the desk
At my dresser
Beneath the deodorant
Enclosed in my closer
Inside you will see
Behind the other boot,
Me.
2020
In 2020,
There are no plates
Food comes in tubes now
Squirt, and keep moving
My children's classes are recorded
No more leaving the house
The cars fly, no traffic!
We seldom use the plane
I remember the good old days
Gas powered cars
We ate with knife and fork
And 100 story building, now they have 10,000!
There are no more libraries
Just put on the eye computer (not big)
And read anything you choose!
No more rainforests, they've all been cleared
Over all I like the new age
But I always remember
The good
Old Days
Poems
They are full of rhyme
But they have no rules at all
Poems are feelings
Willow Tree
It blows in the breeze
Sewing the wind together
Singing its own song
Untitled
Hannah
Musical, smart
Sister of Allison and Cora
Lover of good grades, hard math problems, and Ruby
Who feels happy when choir is over, grumpy in the morning, ready to strangle my older sister when she slaps me
Who needs a cold glass of Dr. Pepper, a loaf of bread in front of me, and music every 2 minutes
Who gives help on homework, love to those who need it, and happiness to my family
Who fears spiders, late homework, and getting the wrong answer
Who would like to see Elvis, Van Morrison, and my cousins
Resident of Virginia
Richardson
Morning
Morning
Swept
Up
Behind
Me
From
Nowhere
As
I
Brushed
My
Teeth
And
Got
Into
Bed.
The Roller Coaster
Yawn!
I waited in line for the roller coaster
'Right this way.' He said
And right that way I went
Into the car
Buckle Buckle CLICK CLICK!
Clickity Clack, Clickity Clack
Up the hill I went
Oh no!
Gasp!
We're going down the hill
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The girl behind me just giggled!
He he he he he he he he he he he he!
I expect she's rode this before
He he he he he he he he he he he he!
As we turned the corner
Ready for the loop
BLEH! Barf! GAG!!
Every one in front of me!
Finally
ERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
The ride was over
I stepped out of the car, dazed
I shall never ride that again I said
Only to find my friend making me go
Just to say
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! again.
Piano Memory
As I sat in class that day,
I thought, when will this end?
Finally we packed and lined up
Onto the bus we went
I got off at my street
Ready for the challenge ahead
For today was my first piano lesson
Oh how I dread!
She welcomed me in and I sat down
Before me lay a grand piano
Black and shiny ivories
Were stretched across the board
I was scared at first, I cried a little
I didn't know what to do!
She asked me to play a piece
So I did, one that I really knew
That was the day everything started
That wondrous glorious day!
When Shopping With Your Sister
Stay far behind
Don't ask to borrow money
If she likes a shirt, don't tell her it's ugly
Don't go somewhere she doesn't want to
When she tells you to buy something for her, buy it
When she wants to eat, don't tell her where to go
When shopping with your sister,
Stay home!
The Mess
Above the socks
Underneath the shirt
Next to the jeans
On my books
Over the bed
By the underwear
Near the boot
Beyond the ruler
Under last week's homework
Around the desk
At my dresser
Beneath the deodorant
Enclosed in my closer
Inside you will see
Behind the other boot,
Me.
2020
In 2020,
There are no plates
Food comes in tubes now
Squirt, and keep moving
My children's classes are recorded
No more leaving the house
The cars fly, no traffic!
We seldom use the plane
I remember the good old days
Gas powered cars
We ate with knife and fork
And 100 story building, now they have 10,000!
There are no more libraries
Just put on the eye computer (not big)
And read anything you choose!
No more rainforests, they've all been cleared
Over all I like the new age
But I always remember
The good
Old Days
Poems
They are full of rhyme
But they have no rules at all
Poems are feelings
Willow Tree
It blows in the breeze
Sewing the wind together
Singing its own song
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
When Patience Runs Thin
I like to think of myself as someone who has limitless patience. Old lady digging through her purse while I'm ringing her out trying to find the exact amount of change using the smallest denomination of coins possible? I can handle that. Kids at the school refuse to take quizzes until all of the glitter which has contaminated the entire room is off the page, requiring me to coax him into believing that the glitter will not harm his score? Bring it on. But right now?
No.
You're taking too long to answer my question, I'm going to fire another, more challenging one your direction. It's too hot in my room, I'm going to plug in five fans and sit on a block of ice (or move somewhere with snow. Right now.) You're hogging sink time for .5 seconds beyond your allotted amount, you best believe I'll be shoving you on the ground. (I'm not really that violent. Or that crazed about sink times. Who really does that? Ah, yeah, Billy, you've been standing at the sink for .738 seconds too long. We're going to have to deduct .293 seconds off of your sink time for tonight. Sorry bout your luck, Billy.)
Surprisingly, my patience was not running thin at my sister's two-hour long awards ceremony this evening. But as soon as we made it home, the toilet wasn't flushing fast enough, my water wasn't filling my glass quick enough, the oil on my face wasn't secreting in near the amounts that it should (also a lie. It's doing quite a splendid job at that right now...) I'm not reading my homework as quickly as I would like. The goats aren't catching me properly to break my fainting-fall.
All I want is to go running without having to go running. Does that make sense? I think it does.
No.
You're taking too long to answer my question, I'm going to fire another, more challenging one your direction. It's too hot in my room, I'm going to plug in five fans and sit on a block of ice (or move somewhere with snow. Right now.) You're hogging sink time for .5 seconds beyond your allotted amount, you best believe I'll be shoving you on the ground. (I'm not really that violent. Or that crazed about sink times. Who really does that? Ah, yeah, Billy, you've been standing at the sink for .738 seconds too long. We're going to have to deduct .293 seconds off of your sink time for tonight. Sorry bout your luck, Billy.)
Surprisingly, my patience was not running thin at my sister's two-hour long awards ceremony this evening. But as soon as we made it home, the toilet wasn't flushing fast enough, my water wasn't filling my glass quick enough, the oil on my face wasn't secreting in near the amounts that it should (also a lie. It's doing quite a splendid job at that right now...) I'm not reading my homework as quickly as I would like. The goats aren't catching me properly to break my fainting-fall.
All I want is to go running without having to go running. Does that make sense? I think it does.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
A Better Way of Thinking
This morning before work, I read an article about things every fat girl should know. While I found it to be extremely self-confidence boosting and really a great read all around, I was left with one lingering thought: The idea that you should love someone because of something, rather than in spite of something. The article itself was talking about not settling for someone who likes/loves you in spite of your extra body weight, but rather because of your extra body weight. (i.e. I love you in spite of your fat body, vs. I love you because you are curvy/thick.) It was such a mind-opening concept and I genuinely believe it to hold true in most circumstances, but while I was at work, I thought of a few events in which I would hope it to not be true:
1. I love you because of your terrible body odor.
2. I love avocados because of the horrible texture and color reminiscent of baby poop.
3. I love dogs because of the excessive amount of saliva they produce.
4. I love flying because of the long lines to go through security.
5. I love Indiana because of the fact that I cannot legally purchase alcohol on Sundays.
6. I love dancing because of the way it makes me look like a cow having a seizure.
I could make it a ten item list, but I think you get it by now.
If you're interested in reading the article, you can find it here. No, but really, you should probably read it. Especially if you have less than perfect self-confidence. Or you have zero self-confidence. It's pretty fantastic.
I'm feeling like a superhero today. Oh yeah. #beautycannotbecontained #notevenbyglassesandlackofmakeup
1. I love you because of your terrible body odor.
2. I love avocados because of the horrible texture and color reminiscent of baby poop.
3. I love dogs because of the excessive amount of saliva they produce.
4. I love flying because of the long lines to go through security.
5. I love Indiana because of the fact that I cannot legally purchase alcohol on Sundays.
6. I love dancing because of the way it makes me look like a cow having a seizure.
I could make it a ten item list, but I think you get it by now.
If you're interested in reading the article, you can find it here. No, but really, you should probably read it. Especially if you have less than perfect self-confidence. Or you have zero self-confidence. It's pretty fantastic.
I'm feeling like a superhero today. Oh yeah. #beautycannotbecontained #notevenbyglassesandlackofmakeup
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