1. Toenail growth.
Not that I have really bad toenail fungus or that my toenails are going to stab someone's eye out (why are your eyes that close to my toes to begin with? did you put your face by my feet or are my feet by your face? do you deserve to have your eyes stabbed out with my toenails?) but really. My toenails are not in the best of shape. For pete's sake! One of them grows at such an angle upward that I regularly find holes in my socks AND EVEN MY SHOES because it's just ripping right through the material. No other toe does this. Please. Can't we just call it a draw and start over on this whole growing thing? You're really not doing me any favors by not being perfectly beautiful.
2. Hairbrushing methods.
A few of you who are quite close to me (or maybe just casual observers of my life who noticed the long-term effects of my habit) will know that this weekend I purchased a hair brush. I ceased hairbrushing practices in October 2004 when I chopped off a good majority of my hair and just never took it back. In the past almost 9 years since this glorious (fatal?) event, I have probably brushed my hair less than 50 times. Total. Let's look at the number breakdown.
9 years. 2012 was a leap year, as was 2008. 365 x 7 = 2555. 366 x 2 =732. 2555 + 732 = 3287. Take off about 2 months for the time between (even though we're in September and hair was chopped in October, we're at the beginning of the month and this occurred at the end of October. We'll give me the benefit of a doubt.) 3287 - 61 (again, being generous) = 3226. If I brushed my hair about 50 times between this haircut and now, I average a hairbrushing rate of about once every 64.5 days.
That's not a lot.
I saw something on Pinterest the other day--which obviously means it was true. Pinterest never lies--that said if you brush your hair regularly, it stimulates growth. Something about the constant movement of oils from the root of the hair to the end, something something. Basically it makes your hair nicer. Or you can just pay for keratin treatments. OR! Buy fancy keratin shampoo! I'm experimenting with this currently. Had straight hair without having to use the straightener. I love! Not sure about the grease levels quite just yet though. Hmph.
3. Athletics.
Yeah, I know. I should've been active all of my life. Blah blah. Why did I not push myself more athletically in elementary school? Middle school? High school? NOW? In elementary school, I remember thinking I was successful if I had a mile time of less than 20 minutes. I. Did. Not. Run. Ever. Walking a mile doesn't even take 20 minutes. How did I accomplish this? Was I really that lazy? Or was Penn Forest's "mile" far more than a mile? Music sort of got in the way of being athletically inclined when I got older ("Do you want to do harp or volleyball?" "harp." welcome to being lazy for life, Hannah. You'll love eating here.)
4. The beginning of college.
Why did I think I wanted to go into biology education? Or elementary education? Or math education?! Was I insane?!?!?! I could have taken so many more awesome classes if I had decided on communication studies earlier on in my college career. And I would have hopefully cared more about what I had been doing in those classes. I wish I had put forth more effort in my classes at the beginning of college. Can't change that now, obviously (Marty McFly WHERE ARE YOU?) but what a novel thought. "Hey, you." "Me?" "Yeah, freshman Hannah. This is super-senior Hannah. Stop wasting your time in education-related courses. You want to do comm. studies. Trust me. Go with it." "Okayyyy..." "GO FORTH!!" "...and multiply?" "I SAID NO MATH" I'd probably be really mean to my past self. Maybe eventually I'll have the opportunity to do this. But at that point, maybe I wouldn't have to go back to my past self because perhaps at the exact point I tell her to try harder, my current self would disappear. One day, nay, one moment, can change your life path forever. Don't mess with these things!
5. My want as a small child to wear glasses.
Who am I kidding? I still love wearing glasses. You go, little Hannah! You know what's stylish!
6. How I Met Your Mother.
I wish I'd never started watching it until it was already over. I wish I had discovered it years after it'd lost popularity. Lo! This show is fantabulous! I must spread this to the world! "It's already been declared. You're 10 years too late" *okay*
Yeah. Make it happen.
