Adventures in Story Telling

Once upon a time, there was a girl. This girl's name was Shalandatiqua, but her friends called her Shalandati. [Her mother (rest her soul!), being the most important person in her life, called her Land. For the purpose of sparing letters from exhaustion, we shall refer to her as her mother (rest her soul!) would have preferred.] Land had one love in life: alphabetizing of VHS tapes in stores where she was not employed. A dying profession, you would accurately assume, but Land loved it nonetheless. Land would spend hours in Goodwill after Goodwill (heaven forbid she ever step into a Salvation Army), organizing each film by title, then rearrange by main actor, main actress, director, producer, etc.

One day when Land was visiting a Goodwill approximately 1 hour, 28 minutes, and 49 seconds from her house, she came across a problem.

Somebody else was already arranging the VHS tapes.

Land was perplexed. "Someone else shares my love for alphabetizing? Someone has figured out how I live my life and has set out to sabotage my happiness? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS OTHER PERSON?" Land spoke aloud in the store, reaching out to her mother (rest her soul!) "Mother (rest your soul!), I know not why this man is rearranging VHS tapes, but I will figure it out and I will not bring dishonor to our family name! I vow it or shall my life be ended!" Other customers in the store thought nothing of Land's crying-out to her mother (rest her soul!) because...they were in a Goodwill. (Everyone's a little off their rocker in a Goodwill.) (Yet we all visit them. We all delight in being a little crazy.)

She approached the man, who by this time, was 64% of the way through the VHS tape alphabetication (a new word to go down in the history books, because c is superior to z. February 17th, 2013: a date which will go down for no reason in particular.) "Excuse me, sir. But my name is Shalandatiqua. My friends call me Shalandati. My mother (rest her soul!) called me Land. You shall address me as 'The Queen.' You, scum of the Earth, are robbing me of my one passion in life. The activity which allows to me get out of bed each morning and put on matching socks. The one thing which connects me to the real world: my Energizer bunny. Do not bring dishonor to my family! Be gone from here before I put a house on you!"

The man snickered and was slow to respond to Land's declaration with an air of Oz.

"Land, 'The Queen,' I have not stolen your passion in life. I have not robbed you of the activity which allows you to get out of bed each morning and put on matching socks. I am not disconnecting you from the rest of the world, nor am I taking away your Energizer bunny. I will not bring dishonor to your family nor speak poorly of your mother (rest her soul!) I would hope that you would not summon a house to crush me, but if you must, I think you should first know something which may crumble your every idea of what is important in life."

Land had little patience for the man and hurried out, "And what would that be?" She was not in the mood to be toyed with (Toy Story did not belong next to An American Tale and Land knew this to be true.)

"This is Salvation Army. Goodwill was bought out two weeks ago."

Land joined her mother (rest her soul!) after minimal suffering from cardiac arrest.

Imma let you finish, February, but August is the best month of all time

Thoughts thinking while in the shower this morning led me to the realization that August is the best month of all. 

WHY IS AUGUST THE BEST MONTH OF ALL, HANNAH? 

I'm so glad you asked, loyal reader! I'm going to tell you! 

Let us first look at other months (primarily observing a Christian calendar) when determining August's awesomeness factor: 

January - New Year's and Martin Luther King Day (Lee Jackson King Day, as I was raised) 

February - Valentine's Day and President's Day

March - St. Patrick's Day 

April - Easter (most of the time) 

May - Mother's Day and Memorial Day

June - Father's Day

July - Independence Day 

August - ....

September - Labor Day 

October - Halloween 

November - Thanksgiving 

December - Christmas and New Year's Eve

What's that you are seeing? August has no major/overly-commercialized holiday? 

That's right. August. Has. No. Holiday. 

August stands alone. It is awesome. It is one of a kind (except April occasionally joins in on the party.) August is home to many of my favorite people's Earth Entrance Celebration! 

The many, the proud, the August babies. 

Sundays are for...

Sunday funday!

What can you do with a Sunday?

1. Homework
2. Cuddle a cat
3. Work
4. Run to the car in the rain
5. Why does it always seem to rain on Sundays?
6. Plan for the week
6a. Meals
6b. Outfits
6c. Daily goals
6d. Blogs
7. Won't you stay, stay with me?
8. Sing your heart out
9. Write more lists than necessary
10. Freeze in bed

What can't you do with a Sunday?

1. Buy alcohol at a store
2. Come through my line with reusable shopping bags
3. Come through my line with leaking meat
4. Pay a bill
6. Drive fast
7. Get up early
8. Stay up late
9. Get back together
10. Count properly
11. Stay with you.

What can you write lists about?

1. Lists
2. Cats
3. Things you like
4. Things you love
5. Things you hate
6. Things you have no opinion of
7. The value of a dollar
8. People you find attractive (JenLaw, this is for you)
9. Movies you want to see
10. The future

Things you should never do:

1. Nothing.
2. Live with regrets.
3. Carry around baggage (redundant)
4. Call blasphemy on list-making.
5. Read this blog without commenting.

Really, I want to know where you're from. Can be anonymous, but if you're reading this, leave a comment sil vous plait.

XOXO

My Valentine's Day

So I guess today is my Valentine's Day.

Or something like that.

I'm sitting in bed, eating Dove chocolate hearts (Believe in those you love and Be a little mysterious.) I'm listening to Nat King Cole. I'm wearing red pajamas. I have a warm cat at my feet. My day was awful except for the past...hour? two hours? It was certainly rough, but it was of my own doing.

And those damn bags.

Seriously, WalMart, let's invest in some nicer bags. Can we not just pay a little bit more for some extra plastic to make certain that each bag opens as it should? To make certain that each bag stays together even when I put a pencil in it? Is that too much to ask?!

Back to Valentine's Day.

"Celebrate family and friends."

I watched this video tonight from SoulPancake (which is a really awesome site Rainn Wilson has helped to coordinate) and the video was all about love. Made me cry. Maybe I cried because I'm overly emotional right now, or maybe I cried because it really was a touching video. You be the judge. I posted it on Facebook, but I'll link you here, too. Why? Because, well, it's just that good. Watch it. Right now. HERE. Be warned, you may very well cry if you have a heart.

"Despite a common misconception, true love exists."

When I think about love, many things physically happen subconsciously.
1. My tongue presses hard against the back of my teeth. This hurts a lot.
2. I cry.
3. I reach for cats.
4. I write lists.
5. I call someone to cuddle.

Wait? Is that like saying that thinking about love is like making booty calls for cuddling? ...one will never know.

This Valentine's Day, I will be at school. I will be working. I will visit the Y after class. I will carry on my routine as usual for this semester.

Maybe something will change. Maybe it won't. Odds are against me in the changing habit category, but all it really takes is one moment. One person. You can change it all.

Valentine's Day 2013: A day for change. (and not for change that results in fatteh 2013 edition.)

I did not actually call someone to cuddle. But I wish I did.

What was mistaken for closeness was just a case of mitosis

I am alone.
I see the birds flying above, and I am alone.
When I go to sleep at night, I am alone.
I go to campus, alone.
I leave campus, alone.
I wake up in the morning, and I am alone.

Solitude is often mistaken for sadness.
Do you see me drive by alone in my car?
I am not sulking, I am not frowning.
I am smiling.
I am dancing.
I am clapping.
I am happy to be alive.
I just happen to be alone.

But I am not sad.

Just because a person is alone
Does not mean they are not satisfied in life.
I have found more joy being alone than I ever had
Being part of a pair

What was mistaken for closeness
Was just a case of mitosis

Are all relationships like this?

Can you be part of a successful relationship with someone who is a carbon copy of yourself?
Would you not be bored all of the time?
At every moment, I know precisely how you will react,
Because you are me and I am you.
There would be no excitement.
No uncertainty.

What defines success? (Our goals)

My goal is to be alone.
I am successful.

My goal is to be happy.
I am successful.

My goal is to write in strange phrasing.
Success belongs solely to me.

This is not a sad post, but a post of the most sincere nature.

I am happy. Believe me when I say it.